Trials

Last Sunday our family was asked to speak in sacrament meeting. a feeling of inadequacy overwhelmed me.  even though I had the tools I didn't have the Spirit.  everything I have done wrong came up in my mind telling me "you shouldn't participate. you aren't good enough." I prayed so much and stayed up til about 3am preparing the night before. I prayed that even if wasn't feeling adequate that the congregation would be taught by the Spirit. my kids talks were all prepared. even Kale sii who is always more than nervous was able to give her talk with her dad's help in writing it.  Steven read his as if it was a regular thing for us to get up every Sunday. Zerin did great. she wrote her own talk and I imagined her as a missionary.  She's going to be great.  mom even participated. when it was my turn I still felt the same but I delivered my message with a story that kept going through my mind of the prophet Elisha in 2 Kings where the Syrians are after him and the Israelites. the Syrians find out where they are and come up on their camp. early in the morning Elisha's servant goes out and sees all the army surrounding him. he feels no hope knowing their army is small. he asks the prophet Elisha "what should we do?" and the prophet calmly says " Fear not, for there are more with us than they that be with them".  the prophet then prays for his servant to be able to see. when the servant opens his eyes, he sees that they are surrounded by hosts and chariots of fire who are on their side.  my husband then got up and talked about how sometimes we depend on our own knowledge when God has given up prophets to help us.  several told us they enjoyed the program. I am glad the Spirit was there to help them to take in the messages that we shared.
  I got a burst of trying to do better and have went to library to learn more from talks that John Bytheway does for the youth.  I have prayed more in a few days than I have in a year. then we had a big argument. I felt as if this was it. I imagined and started looking for an apt.  I told my husband that he could keep the house and that I wasn't worthy to be a good mom or member of the church.  after about an hour of talking and him opening up to me we finally settled things so that the Spirit could be back in our home and in our hearts.  the whole day I was fed so many negative thoughts and there he was at work studying his lessons for church. I am glad Heavenly Father keeps blessing our family and has helped us to stay together. my husband and my kids are my heart.
Satan continues to try to aim at our families so that we cannot progress. I think he knows how powerful our faith is and how much we can help in building Heavenly Father's kingdom. My prayers have pulled me through with Heavenly Father by my side.