Stake conference

Dad n the kids did a Tongan number.

i havent posted in 3yrs! feeling so down on myself. have fought for over 20yrs with one of my husbands weaknesses. makes me feel like the ugliest person ever. its probably not right but i feel like when i try to do better, he does not. satan is always working on us. he goes about his days as if it's normal. i sleep endlessly hoping not to wake up. i dont want my kids to be damaged as i was as a teen when my parents split up. however, this is the hardest for me as i have to fight the thoughts "this will never end. i am too tired to do this again" i tho0ught everything was ok between us as usual but it was not. i had uneasy feelings as i would wake and he was not next to me. the other day he took my son at 730am and my daughter to an appt at 11am but he couldnt cover for what happened between those hrs. in the eve i tried to look at his phone when he pulled it away. then i knew my feelings were not myth. i have nightmares sometimes that he is hiding things. my nightmare has come to life. i am suppose to say a talk tmrw but i already texted bishop to let him know that hakeai will say the talk instead of me. i havent feel this lonely ever. i know my kids can feel it. last night the girls went to their cousins sleepover at a hotel and i felt so ta'elata. God has way more faith in me than i do.

fat man burning

been wanting to get back to clean eating since a few yrs back when I had boundless amounts of energy and positive thinking as well as confidence
so here will start journal of my first 30 days to better eating using fat burning man's technique of natural foods and healthy fats.

Day1
couldn't believe I did so well. ate spinach and balsamic vinegar for the first time and liked it.  we had rice in the evening though and I could resist but had one and drank a lot of water.  husband ate a big ice cream cone in the evening and I had a big cup of water!
Mindset: positive 4
Sleep: hard to fall asleep as usual. no melatonin

Day 2
wow energy and refreshed in the morning. was able to do a lot of cleaning and feeling positive.

food:  had musubisssss and prob 4 total. I know I suck but I knew I couldn't do 100pcnt. will get back up and move on.  on positive note had about 4 cups spinach or more today in smoothing and salad. ate tons of wasabi peas that I will no longer buy bcuz of additives on the outside of sugar and salt.

Sleep: in charge tomorrow and couldn't fall asleep.  1/2 ambien and I was still awake.  ugh.  once asleep though, I was out.  didn't have energy in the morning because I also couldn't fight my cereal craving last night.  at least it was with coconut milk.
Mindset:   1    knew I was eating bad and gave in.  had chocolate and veggie chips.  prob should've had more water to curb sweet tooth.

Day3
Paying for cereal last night.  woke up no energy, but I think I needed the break for a day to get back on the horse.  feel's like today will be much better.  at least I resisted ice cream last night for the 2nd night in a row.
Mindset: 4
FOOD:  I can do better today.  started with veggie smoothie. my husbands such a good teammate drinking eat too even though it wasn't as good as I remember it was yesterday.
will have another tub of spinach today to make up for all the additives yesterday.  will buy lettuce today and that actually excites me   lol. 
I cant believe I like feta cheese. never liked it before but I put it in food processor to get all my veggies in.  slowly using less dressing and going into no dressing.
only day 3 but I am so happy I decided to change and believe in myself.  happy that my kids are off today so hopefully can do something fun with them after work.  also paid $2300 on our car load. only $2900 left.   we'll be paid off by Feb at the latest! yay!!

we're going on a plane in March hopefully to korea again so I want to feel antabulous!!
as well as reunion in Cali in summer so a lot to look fwd to. 

always setting new goals. this weeks goal to drink water before I indulge in anything I know has additives.  not buying fake foods that will tempt me
Exercise

Sleep: still having a hard time falling asleep, but I do start feeling tired at the time I need to go to bed.

Day4
went to dinner last night with Keai cuz he had a gift card. hadn't realized what cheapskates we've become.  luv it  lol.   I did what FMB said to eat a fat rich dinner. omg I wasn't hungry at all after that. made to bed with no extra snacks

FOOD  trying to fast for the morning. we'll see how it goes. cant believe I am still not hungry bcuz of my burger and bacon last night.  morning and afternoon we went to look at cars and I was wide awake.  started using MCT oil and my stomach was going nutz.  right after car searching I had to run home   lol.   bfast was a greenie smoothie w/MCT.    lunch I let myself get too hungry.  we ended up at Little Ceasars and I ate that pizza like no one's business.  of course in that moment I felt good but as soon as I finished my body felt so messed up and tired.  so fast how the starches/sugar affected me.  straightened up for dinner and had kimchi, eggs, salad.

Excercise
Mindset: energy this morning is fantastic! ususally have to have some green tea by now but haven't had to.  will try MCT oil today with a smoothie/drink

Sleep  still same situation. get tired but cant fall asleep.

Day5   sunday
food: had kimchi egg for bfast.  noon green smoothie w/MCT
got on the scale and the way my clothes fit they already feel more lose.  scale shows 6lb weight loss.

Mindset:  so much more aware of what can shoot my body sugars down.  my kids had French toast and I resisted and did my own thing.
Exercise
Sleep  fell asleep really early but couldn't get up.  overslept.  prob bcuz I ate tons of pumpkin pie. 

Day6  MOnday
food:   gave in and had more pumpkin pie but then made my green smoothie and trying to get it down

Mindset:  total stoked because scale shows another lb lost.  my clothes feel a lot looser. going to take my brown pants and sew them down so that they aren't so loose.  great feeling!!

Exercise: keep getting up from desk as much as I can bcuz I have a 10hr work day today

Sleep: same
Day 7
did feel more energized in daytime til about 6pm took a green tea pill.  hard day with food bcuz I started it all wrong with pumpkin pie  ugh. so glad its finished and outta the house.

excited and back on the horse and ready to go again. seeing and feeling results. 

Updates

Vincent came over last week and he's here again this weekend to play with Steven.  Yo stays up late so he is my stay up late buddy.  Today we went to see grandpa for his birthday yesterday and uncle Moses hasn't been doing so good.
Kale has started playing volleyball at the Franklin Covey warehouse. Only me and Steven and Zerin went to see grandpa.  He talked a little bit how he wanted to go on vacation this month but was worried about Mosese.  We took Dad some fish. Watching Ellen not sure how much time we have with our family so we need to  take advantage of the time that we have with them.

We had a suprise bday party for Maya 16th bday. Was so happy for her she she deserves it she's always been a good girl and always helping out more than the usual kids do.

 Steven also finish football and their team took championships this year is really fun and Coach Matt had a banquet.

I am Debt Free!!!!!!!!!

FPU lessons

baby steps (Dave Ramsey)
1 save $1000
2 get out of debt/debt snowball
3 3- 6 months of expenses for fully funded emergency fund  (about 3yrs  avg for steps 1-3)

baby steps 4-6 do at same time
4 15% into retirement
5 college
6 pay off the house   (about 7yrs avg)
7  Build wealth and Give for Financial Peace

Live like no one else now so you can live like no one else later   :)

Lessons
1   Super Saver
2 Relating w/money
3 Cash Flow
4 Dumping debt
5 Buyer beware
6 Role of Insurance
7 Retirement and college planning
8 Real Estate and mortgages
9 The Great Misunderstanding  (build wealth and give)

food storage week by week
water
candy
beef jerky
rice
oats

weight watchers

this week started a journey for the new me.  I am so much happier in only 6days. feel lighter. clothes a little better. most of all different way of eating, veggies etc. so glad chose to do this.  I know it wont change my major problems but at least I will be with my kids a little longer and be more confident. little things like wearing a womens watch and fitting into airplane seat are what I look fwd to.
12feb 2016
now 5 weeks into the plan.  lost 9.2lbs!  last 3 days were hard though cuz I let negative thoughts back in.  last night helped tons. keai and I went to gym and he helped me with barbells for chest. felt so powerfull and good.  left with back sweating and feeling them good endorphins.  yay!
Going to be brave and go weigh in today cuz I might have gained 2 or 3 lbs but that's the only way to move forward...keeping going and keep getting up. it was only a little over a pound gained but decided to get back up and track again. i can do this!

Update following week i lost!! 

NSV

been doing WW with Liz for 2 months now....down 13lbs!!  so slow which sucks with how impatient i am so i have to look for non scale victories.  
i can now do treadmill for 35min straight where when i started 10min was a killer on my back.
my back feels so much better from the pains i was getting 3months ago
my hoodies/some shirts come down to my thighs where before i had em just cover my stomach. the shirts i almost tossed at one pt cuz they looked terrible now theyre some of my favorite for working out.
my fitbit started at last 2 holes for clasp and now can go as high as the 5th notch
my puffy grey jacket zipper can meet opposite sides
if i eat something  bad it doesnt taste as good as i remember but i track and move on.
twice i gained weight and kept going to my meetings to see the weight keep coming off now.
i can see a pattern when i do show a gain once a month so i expect and know that success is just around the corner.
Learned a lot about listening to my body and what i need to eat or how much i can excercise so that i can keep it up.
more positive thoughts than negative.
thinking about what i want instead of what i don't want.  the law of attraction.  when i am on the eliptical i watch videos of fit women to encourage me. visualization for the mind and the mind itself is so stronger
I am stronger than i think.
my kids especially my son watches how i eat and starts to eat more healthy.
saving money cuz we dont buy ice cream. we will go out for it maybe once a month but thats about it.
went to Chuck a rama 2 weeks ago and realized i havent ate there in forever. when i was full i left instead of grazing just bc it was there.
helps so much to have Liz go with me and to have the support of other members who understand what i am doing and encourage me.