Conflicting thoughts...found this from 2009

my kids and sleep overs

August 16, 2009 

my nieces livia and maya are over once or twice a month and my girlz love it. it’s been a fun summer being able to be home with my girlz and paying attn to them and not to my homewk. went back to schl last year and it all sounded great but i been listening to dr. laura and realizing that I should’ve done the schl thing all b4 kids. that seems obvious but i thought it’d be ok since the girls are now both in schl. i have come to realize though that when they need me for homewk i am usually pushing them to my husband so i can get my homewk done as well. I know, boooo on me. i told my husband a couple of times that it’s a mistake and i’d rather wk my sucky job for life and be able to spend time with my kids and pay more attn to them b4 they dont wanna hang around us anymore. he says i’ve put a lot into schl and he’s supported me lots so i should just stick in there. so i am trying to look at us in the long run and see that becoming a nurse will help us a lot financially. i also think now would be better than waiting for them to be teens b4 i rtn to schl. I can’t believe how much i can love this kids that i would give up everything to spend time with them. my youngest is only 2 yrs old. he doesnt talk a lot but his smile drives away my anger and sadness (when i am in those neg. moods). I want to have another but my last dr. told me it’d be dangerous for me or my future kids since i have had 3 c sections already. and then there’s my hubby. no other like him! he cooks, cleans, loves my family, great dad and is patient with me, oh and of course wks his butt off for us :) He’s my hottie :)