NSV

been doing WW with Liz for 2 months now....down 13lbs!!  so slow which sucks with how impatient i am so i have to look for non scale victories.  
i can now do treadmill for 35min straight where when i started 10min was a killer on my back.
my back feels so much better from the pains i was getting 3months ago
my hoodies/some shirts come down to my thighs where before i had em just cover my stomach. the shirts i almost tossed at one pt cuz they looked terrible now theyre some of my favorite for working out.
my fitbit started at last 2 holes for clasp and now can go as high as the 5th notch
my puffy grey jacket zipper can meet opposite sides
if i eat something  bad it doesnt taste as good as i remember but i track and move on.
twice i gained weight and kept going to my meetings to see the weight keep coming off now.
i can see a pattern when i do show a gain once a month so i expect and know that success is just around the corner.
Learned a lot about listening to my body and what i need to eat or how much i can excercise so that i can keep it up.
more positive thoughts than negative.
thinking about what i want instead of what i don't want.  the law of attraction.  when i am on the eliptical i watch videos of fit women to encourage me. visualization for the mind and the mind itself is so stronger
I am stronger than i think.
my kids especially my son watches how i eat and starts to eat more healthy.
saving money cuz we dont buy ice cream. we will go out for it maybe once a month but thats about it.
went to Chuck a rama 2 weeks ago and realized i havent ate there in forever. when i was full i left instead of grazing just bc it was there.
helps so much to have Liz go with me and to have the support of other members who understand what i am doing and encourage me.

auntie Peta's funeral

was surprised to hear that my aunt had passed the same night we visited her last week.  all us kids collected money and took it to dad.  it was one of the only times I can think of that he sat down and talked to us as a dad and thanked us as well as telling us that this doesn't ever end in our tongan culture (giving for funerals and big events).  I know he misses his sister and dad.  had so many pass in the past few yrs.
then he said something that was insightful to us. he said dying was not as scarey, because his dad went before him.  the reason this hit me so hard was because when we got to his house (me and Ensign and Lily)  the house was dark. he was next door with uncle Ensign. since my gpa has passed it has been hard to go to his house with him gone.  we all went and sat at dad's house until dad got there.  I noticed that I felt the same. when my dad (or one of my brothers and sisters) isn't at a place that is familiar, it can be scary to go to that place.   not knowing what is ahead is scary but once someone you love is there, you feel free/comfortable to go there.
at auntie Peta's funeral the best talks to me were those from her grandkids and how they missed her. Anthony's 3rd daughter said that her gma taught her that You stand faithful even when times are hard.  his oldest shared how they would plant flowers together. something so special to her.
it was strange to hear them keep saying her name (my name). I thought "what will those I leave say about me?" what did I contribute to their lives and to this life?
I didn't spend a lot of time with my aunt but I know that she was faithful and that she loved her kids, grandkids and husband but especially the Lord.  I remember her telling me at one of our last conversations about how excited she was about some church books talking of the things to come.  Miss my loved ones that have passed.

Keai's little girls

 

 

A Sleepless Night 

 

It was nine o'clock at night. I was just finished saying goodnight to my daughters. My oldest child was 2 years old, Kalesita, named after my mom.  She said, "Dad! Do you know what tomorrow is?" Of course, I did but I just wanted to see her reaction.  I said, "It's my birthday." "Nooo!" she screamed, jumping out of bed and almost falling over her blanket on the floor.  She stood in front of me with a demanding voice. "It's my birthday! Remember?" Kalesita asked. "Of course, I remember. How can I forget? You've been reminding me for the last 2 months?" I smiled at her as she giggled.  I asked her what she wanted for her birthday. She said that she wanted caked, ice cream, and a Dora, The Explorer, doll.  She also wanted to ride the train downtown. 

It seemed as if I had barely closed my eyes when my alarm went off.  Before I left for work, I went into my girls' room leaning over and giving them kisses on their foreheads. I whispered, "Happy birthday," to Kalesita. She smiled and thanked me with a tired, soft voice. She held up three fingers, "I am three years old, dad." 

On my way home from work, I stopped by the dollar store and bought some balloons and some other inexpensive toys.  She could destroy them and it wouldn't be a big deal.  I arrived at the apartment and knocked. I was not surprised when Kalesita opened the door.  She seemed as if she'd been waiting for me impatiently.  Her eyes lit up when she saw the balloons.  "Is it for me?" she asked. "Happy birthday!" I replied.  She grabbed the balloons acting as if she had never seen balloons in her life.  She ran around the living room with the bundle in her hand. She gave her younger sister some of her balloons and a toy.  She's that kind of person. She didn't mind sharing with her sister, who was almost 2 at the time.  

Kale, short for Kalesita, is special to me.  She was 8 pounds, 10 ounces and twenty-one inches long as a newborn.  She had full black hair and a smile that would melt your heart.  She knew how to use that smile to avoid getting scolded if she had done something wrong.  She loved to draw and sing along with Elmo.  Like most kids, she loved sweets. 

After singing happy birthday and eating the cake, we were off to the train station.  She was so excited when the train approached. She started to sing and dance and she continued to sing on the train ride. As a parent, this is one of the highlights, to see my children happy. Everything was great.  We had a good time and made memories that would last forever. When we went home the girls fell asleep in the car.  I would have to carry them up the stairs to our apartment. My wife made a bed on the floor for them as they liked to sleep in our room. We so tired from our adventure that we went to sleep early. It was probably only nine thirty. 

My wife awoke to a strange sound.  I thought I was dreaming. She heard the sound again.  She started to look around to find the source.  It sounded like someone blowing bubbles in a glass of water. It came from where Kale was sleeping.  She flipped on the light switch.   Kale was laying face down on her pillow. Her face was buried in her own vomit. My heart dropped when I saw her struggling to breath. She then started to have a seizure. My wife yelled to awaken me.   While she was on the phone, I flipped Kale onto her back to try and open her mouth so that she could breathe.  Her jaws locked up so tight that I couldn’t get it open. Her eyes rolled back into her head. I could only see the whites of her eyes.  Her face was turning purple from the lack of oxygen.  Now I was panicking but trying not to show it. I kept telling myself that I had to do something. I tapped her cheeks, calling her name, and continued to try to open her mouth. 

"They're on their way!" my wife yelled. I could hear the sirens. Within a couple of seconds I heard footsteps running up the stairs.  We stood by the door already opened, awaiting them.  The paramedic asked what had happened as I led him to the room. He was trying to feel for her pulse.  A minute later, a few guys from the West Jordan Fire Department arrived.  A couple more paramedics came in with equipment to work on Kale. I asked if she would be okay but they didn’t answer.  They put an I.V. into her arm, an oxygen mask over her little face, and rushed her on to the bed they brought. They took her down to the ambulance.  I asked if I could ride with her and then jumped into the back of the ambulance. 

We arrived at the Jordan Valley Hospital. The doctor and nurses greeted us at the door. They put her on another a bed. At this time, she had a fever of 103 degrees. The doctor ordered the nurse to give her medication to try to bring her fever down. 

After a few hours at the hospital, Kale finally was out of danger. Her fever went down. She started to talk and smile again. She told the nurse, "Today is my birthday. I am three years old." The nurses brought her a cupcake and a teddy bear. They sang happy birthday to her.  By this time it was eight in the morning. It was a sleepless night for us, but I am glad that Kalesita is back to herself again. 

 

keais writing

My husband doesn't write much but now that he's in a writing class, he doesn't have much of a choice.  he wrote this and this is the most I have ever seen him write so I thought I would put it in here so that my kids would have access to it  :)


THIS IS MY LIFE
Hi, my name is Hakeai' I Honolulu Tatafu. I was born to a poor, but loving family at Vaiola Hospital. I am from a small island in the middle of the Pacific, called Tonga. I am the second oldest of eight children. I have four brothers and three sisters. My parents worked hard to raise the eight of us. My dad had little education. He never finished junior high. He had to drop out at an early age. The only job he could do was fishing and farming. I grew up helping him with the fishing and farming to provide for the family. My mom was a stay at home parent to care for the younger children. Seems like it was just yesterday. At the age of  nine, I would come home from school and change my school uniform. It was the only uniform that I had for school. I would then walk about five miles to where my dad farmed because we didn’t have any form of transportation. I would help him with the hoeing and planting. Many days I would spend the night there and then wake up early to walk home and get ready for school. I would usually leave to school without breakfast, because we didn’t have a lot of extra money. hat little money we did have, my mom would have to use wisely to feed a baby my mom had at the time and the younger children that weren't old enough to attend school yet. At lunchtime, my sister and I would come home from school but there wasn't any food. instead, there would be 20 cloth diapers waiting for us to be hand washed. e didn’t have a laundry machine. My mom would have us wash them before we had to return to school. My older sister and I would split the diapers between us to make it a little easier on us. 
Years passed. My brothers and I were older. Financially, things seemed to get better. We were able to help my dad more with the farming. My dad was finally able to purchase a little car to help out with getting us to different places. I was very appreciative as it was tiring to have to walk to the farm and back daily. There would be food on the table and sometimes we would have breakfast. We were happier. It seemed like there was less yelling at home, because my sisters were able to help my mom with the house chores and cooking. 
October of 1995, I graduated from high school. I could tell my parents were happy. The sacrifices that they had made were paying off. I was held back for one year, but my dad expressed his feelings when he told me that I was now better than him. In his mind, I think he compared my endurance in making it through high school to his quitting school at an early age. It humbles me to know that my dad thought so highly of me. Immediately after graduation, I filled out an application to serve as a full-time missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  It took 3 months to receive my response that I would serve for two years in the New Zealand Wellington Mission.  If only others could see my heart to know how much joy I felt.  There are no words to describe how happy my parents were. I was excited and yet at the same
time, I was nervous.  It would be the first time that I would leave the comfort of my home, my parents, my family, and my friends.  I would also have to learn a new language.
Arriving in New Zealand was a shock for me.  I spent all nineteen years of my life knowing nothing but my little island.  It was like a dream.   Everything was big.  The roads were so wide, the buildings tall, and so many cars on the road.  I was not used to seeing so many white skinned people around.  I could only understand a few words of what they were saying.  I had to adapt to new food.  I was used to my mom's cooking which would consist of boiled chicken or lamb with some vegetables, such as, taro leaves.  In New Zealand there was such a variety of foods.  Driving up to a window and being able to order food on a speaker was a new experience.  The changes were overwhelming and I began to miss home more and more.  
One of my biggest challenges was having to learn to speak English.  It's hard to describe how nervous I was for my first encounter with an English speaking man.  I didn't know what to say. If he were to talk to me I thought that I probably wouldn't understand.  I thought to myself, "I would rather die than to speak English to anyone."  Happy to say, I did improve and was able to face that fear.  I turned my weakness into a strength.  I spent two years there and returned home with honor in June of 1998.
I was home for about a year when my father had me apply for a visa to go the the United States.  To my surprise, my visa was approved.  It was and still is, very difficult to be approved for a U.S. visa as an unmarried person.  In the fall of 1999, I arrived in the Honolulu, Hawaii International Airport.  Having already been to New Zealand, coming to the U.S. was not as bad as my first experience leaving Tonga.  I lived in Hawaii for a few months when my grandmother, who lived here in Utah, had me come to stay with her.
It was winter of 1999. This was my first time seeing and feeling snow.  Now, I knew what it really meant to be cold because all my life I had been in a tropical climate.  I remember feeling as if my ears would break off and my fingers felt like there were being poked by a million needles.  Despite the cold, I found love here in Utah and it changed everything.  I didn't care how cold it would get, because I had a girlfriend.  
I married my eternal companion in the Salt Lake Temple.  It was the happiest day of my life to know that I would be with someone that I would love forever.  My mom couldn't come to my wedding, but my dad was able to join us and celebrate that special occasion.  Two years later, we welcomed our first new addition to our little family. It was a baby girl.  That same year unfortunately, my father passed.  In 2003, we had our second daughter.  Our third child, a son, was born eight years ago.  
I now work for Jordan Valley Water Conservation District to provide for my family.  I love my job.  I also do landscaping on the side after work and on the weekends.  I love my little family.

Struggle within myself

in 2010 I was in a state where I knew I was meant to do more than take ph calls for airline.  so my husband supported me in going back to school for a nursing degree. we spent thousands of dollars to go through my courses for prerequisites. I was even accepted to their program to start in 2012 but something inside of me was not feeling good about take the plunge. I was looking at the time I spent studying vs spending with my kids who are growing way too fast. why would I study and not spend time with them and then have an airline job where I wouldn't be able to go anywhere.  the time we have here on this earth is so short as well as the time the kids might wanna hang with me that I couldn't do it.  I ended up declining the program as much as I love to learn and go to school. the right thing felt like it was to be with my kids. I remember walking into Ofa and Lua's home with all their kids. they didn't have much but they were no doubt happy because Lua was there.She is such a spectacular mom that I don't have the words to describe her and how her kids are. they've come to my home and cleaned when they were here to see gma.  I cant believe their talents. something I want for my own family.

this past summer me and my kids spent a few days in Honolulu. we didn't have much but we were so excited to say that we were on vacation and were able to fly.  on top of that I am thinking the price of my fare would've been additional to my pay from ua.  :)  sometimes the ideas of the world or what others tell us is so noisy that we cant hear what the Spirit is telling us to do.  as much as it would've been great to be a nurse I am happy where I am at.

Kale leaving for trek

I think I got a glimpse of what a missionary's mom goes through. my kale is now 13 and going on a trek with the Stake.  for a few days now I randomly cry thinking of the hardships she will go through and I can only pray that she will come safely.  we said goodbye to her this morning and I was stuck working while Keai took her to meet everyone. she will have a new family with a ma and pa and new bros and sisters.  I sat by her as she slept yesterday just wanting to be by her before her leaving today. as keai prayed for her I cried again.  I realized I don't tell my kids how much they mean to me.  sometimes I will get down and wish I could leave this life but then I think "but who will help my kids with homework? who will they run to when they have a question that they cant ask dad?"

she even gets a new name. I will miss u my Kale. glad Veni and Zerin are here to keep me company and my nephew Vinn is over to spend time with us as well.

....follow up.  these few days have been hard not having my daughter around but have kept myself busy with my other kids and Vinn.  I went to pick up Kale with what seemed like hundreds of people around me. walked clear around the church with prob 8 big buses unloading. I still didn't see her. I walked back to the car to wait and there she appeared.  could the sun had bore down on her face. I could tell she and everyone else around was tired but glad to be home.  so thankful for Heavenly Father watching over her as well as her Pioneer family that accompanied her the past few days.  at first I thought she hated it, but she did have a good experience and made some new friends.  I wish had had the faith they had to go through something so difficult in order to understand some of the struggles that those that came before us had so that we would be where we are today.

Be still and know that I am God

watching Oprah clips on YouTube and she talked of how when she was young she knew and believed that she was going to do great things.  she was brought up in a school where she was not segregated to believe that she was not as good as someone else who was not black.  she instead was taught that anything is possible with God.  she was taught that if your faith was as a mustard seed that you could move mountains.

some of the things I learned from her

What do you believe about yourself? do you believe that happiness, success, abundance, joy, fulfilment  and love are a part of your birthright?  you will manifest the life that you believe.  No matter what comes your way, do you believe that you will be okay?
Those that are successful are those that can handle that success so that's a fulfillment and not overwhelmed are those that understand their belief. 

Never give up on yourself. never stop believing.  there might be something you aren't good at, BUT  what do you know that you are good at?
 not what others tell you that your purpose is, but what do YOU believe your purpose in life is.

Once you have that belief, don't let go of that belief. 

visualize,  energy, effort, and work towards what you want and believe that you are here for.  there is a purpose to your life. how do you know what it is? 


Listen.  Be still and know that I am God.  Psalm 46:10