sorry it's been soooo long.

Well my life in the last 5 months seems to be busier than i could ever imagine. I went back to Continental wking fulltime and finally finished my last months of prerequisites for the nursing program. But now my aunt has been diagnosed with cancer. We were hoping for the best and an easy surgery to fix things but it has spread so I now take her to chemotherapy. I have spent the last few days trying to get help to pay her bills and so hopefully that works out. For a long time little things she did got on my nerves but I think I've been assigned to help her so that i can have compassion and not irritability. It gets hard to go to all the appts and still try'n spend time with my little ones. I hear what the dr.'s explain and I try to hold back the tears because I want to be strong for her. She doesn't understand a whole lot. My medical terminology has helped but like others have said "Nothing can prepare you."

Keai and I have tried to take the kids out to play every so often. of course, he's better at doin that than me. When I am tired, I usually say "sorry kids" but my husband could be ready to fall over and he'll still pick himself up and take the kids for a walk or bicycle ride. I think Heavenly Father for a kids and husband that I can hang on to when I'm going through rough times.

kale's baptism

sat March 6th 2010 kale was baptized. So nerve racking and exciting for her dad, me and kale. Zerin and Veni had been sick and I wanted to delay it being so overwhelmed but my husband wanted to continue on. The only other candidate was Fetz, Hinalei Moors son. I knew it'd be packed with all the Wolfgramm's for him but little did i know we'd have just as many people. My friend line and her husband came as well as all my brothers and sisters and their kids. Crystal made a beautifu collage of pictures of Kale. I thought we were gonna do spotlights on them but we did not. Lily ended up talking about it at the restarant (Golden Corral) after the baptism. I'll include what it said at the end of this post.

The Jets sisters and Hinalei sang. Kale had her hair braided in 2 and I could tell she felt beautiful and special. Her dad decked out in white sat beside her at the front. I sat towards the back with Steven, Zerin, and Maya. Dad walked in with Pou and sat with us. I was so happy they could be there. I spoke with dad last night and a lot of times when i invite him to something I think "I dont think he's gonna come". This time i knew from his tone of voice that he'd come.

Cassidi said a talk on the Holy Ghost and then Hinalei's sister Moana did a talk about baptism. When it was Kale's turn to get baptized we had to walk out past the gym and down a long flight of stairs to get to a little room for the actual baptism. When i got down there, I was so nervous. I didnt seem to see anyone's faces but my husband's. I remember seeing all the kids scrunched up at the front. so I didnt get the best view. I wanted to see Kale but I know how excited the kids are and how important it is for them to see this type of thing. I remember seeing soll's 3 child trying to get a spot. Then I hear Keai praying and Kales feet go under the water. A sigh a relief came from within me when she had the 1 attempt and was done. I remember having to do mine 2 or 3 times with my dad holding me.

After that Kale and I hurried her up and then her dad called for her to come out. Her hair was still soaking but she was ready to go. I thought it was so beautiful walking from behind her and her dad. They were hand in hand as they have been many times. This time he in a freshly cleaned suit and her in her white long dress (one that she picked out herself a few months back). Thank goodness for my sister Crystal again who took my camera and got a few pictures after the restaraunt. Wish I could have had someone help me get some at the church because my mind was going crazy with nervousness that I didnt get any myself. Everything seemed to go by so fast.

Kale was so excited by the unexpected gifts and money people were giving her. Her uncle Tei and Laura gave her a necklace, she also got gifts from Maya's mom and money from Afa and Aho. This meant a lot to me cuz they were from families that I know are struggling. I hope Kale can read this someday and be reminded that she is special and that we love her more than words can say. I can only begin to imagine how happy her grandparents are that have passed on as well as our Heavenly Father.

This is what I wrote for Lily to share with the rest of the family:
Hakeai told the doctor on one of our checkups "we've been married now for exactly a yr" the doctor (Deborah Ellis) was putting a monitor on my stomach as we heard Kale's hear beat for the 1st time. She replied "well happy anniversary". I remember tears welling up in my eyes. After over 24 hrs Kale made her appearance. I dont know who was more happy...Peta that she was finally delivering after 9 months or Hakeai who got to wear the scrubs like a surgeon.
Growing up Kale loved to dance. It didnt matter whether it was a real song or just an intro to a tv show. Her favorite is when grandma Ika would clap and sing a made up song while Kale swayed back and forth and did her own made up taolunga hand gestures.
Kale had many babysitters (Lita, Leta and her kids, Gma Ika and Losena, Apisai's kids, Nainoa, Crystal, Lily to name a few). She is so happy to have you all here to share this day with her.

Kale's 8th bday

It was Kale's 8th bday but she and veni have been sick with fevers so we finally got to take them out. She chose to go to H. connection for the rides. They started off by roller blading. I watched in amazement and wished I knew how to lol...Even as a child i was too chicken to do that kind of stuff but there they were only 6 and 8 rounding the rink like the older kids. I am glad they are able to do more and have more that I had when I was young. especially when i think of how much time they get to spend with us. my bros and sis didnt get much time with our parents because there were always so many of us.

She and Zerin have build a bears that they take care of and dress up. One of the few toys I have seen them take care of. Kale lahi is in town and Kale sii was talking bout how she was sad she couldnt have a bday party cuz she was sick. She says "gosh mom I was so excited I was already having a party in my head" lol.

Veni now says thank you and bless you. the best was when he dropped something the other day and I was about to yell at him when he looks up and says "sorry sorry" .... that was the 1st time I'd heard him say that and how can I be mad at that? what a cutie :)

Zerin's been really good about not fussing over kale getting presents. She was excited about Kale's bday party too.

Keai did the sweetest thing for me. I was super hungry and it was snowing outside. It was 10pm and he went out to get me something to eat and I am not even pregnant lol...u dont understand. I am usually the one who has to run out or cook. this time he really went out of his way to do it for me. luv that guy

our flip flop superman

growing up, it seemed that dad was always too busy. He was always working. When he did take us out it was for ice cream. I remember he could down 3 or 4 before we left dairy queen. I remember how excited we'd get just pulling into their parking lot.

Now I am married to a great guy and his work allows for us to spend time with him. My daughters usually get their way with having him take them to the park, mc donald's or the kids museum. On one particular day all we had time to do was to go for walk with them. It was a warm day and the sun was beginning to set. My husband had on shorts and slippers. We were heading home and Kale and Zerin were walking between us. I could see our house not far off when I hear this dog growling. My heart starts to pound as my eyes are going crazy searching for the source. To my left was where the god was standing, no leash, and he was ready to charge. He was on my husbands side. Immediately i pick up my younger one who was probably 4 or 5 yrs old at that time. I thought he was going to pick up kale when the dog came running. Instead he kicks it in the side and the dog runs back to where he came from. I can still picture his flip flop lol. I was so relieved. My heart was still trying to calm as we got home.

I am sure as a child i was aware of all my dad did for me. Just as on this afternoon I am not sure that my kids understood what there dad had just done for them. i am thankful for our dads.....our heroes :)

reality

Feeling down. grandma hasn't been doing well. last friday she was in the emergency room and they found that she has gallstones. i made her an appt and we're supposed to go in tomorrow to see the dr. who will make an appt to do the surgery.

this past sunday was fun. we had all the bros and sis over for christmas and was glad we could have it here with grandma. everything was fine until she spoke at the end telling everyone she was glad the children were having fun and that she loved all of us. we tried to make jokes but then alex spoke up about how he appreciated being able to be there and how he considers us his bros and sis like we do him. he then spoke of how he missed his little brother and sister. I can tell he is lonely. I am glad he came over.

John and paki also made it over and paki is expecting next year. very happy for them. Eli also spoke up about how we need to remember grandma in our prayers and how they need to visit her. Crystal put in a lot of effort to have games for us and make it fun. It was good to have everyone over.

I have been worried about grandma since the night she was in the hospital. i couldn't concentrate on my work that day and now i am checking on her every few hours. I really wish i had all my training for nursing done so i wouldn't feel so helpless.

up late and wondering why..

..i cant sleep. and then when i want to sleep I really need to get up. My poor son, he's sticks by me til I get up or his grandmas come up. just found this pix of nainoa's page and thought I'd share it.

This is proof I really need to take more pix and videos of my kids since I have access to cameras :)

this is of veni at eli's graduation. probably 2008

took me too long...

...to decide I don't want to die wking by answering phone calls when i know I am capable of doing much more. This was only emphasized when i went to my brother Eli's graduation a few yrs back. I thought "if he can do it with 5 kids, I can do it". My cousins and I kept saying "this could've been us". Well after that I couldn't sit still at the job. So, when they asked for volunteers to take a leave with insurance, I took it. It's now been almost 18mos. and I will be finished with my prerequisites in 2 weeks Yay! I then will be on a 2 week waiting list but that wks well for me since Veni is still home with me and it's hard leaving him everyday. I only am glad i didnt wait another min. to do all the schooling I have done. I have learned so much about our bodies in 18 mos. and can understand some things that would've been foreign to me 18 mos ago. Anatomy and physiology are my favorite so far. I was walking to my car from class one day thinking, how could I not have been interested in this yrs ago. Then, I remember my little girls faces and think "no, this was all came together at the time it was supposed to come together."

I also hav regretted not having a fourth child but then think "I am grateful for what I do have." My husband's been the best supporter thru school and all the work I have missed to make us money and the wk at home. I do still try to cook most of the week so we can save money that way and he has been good to me and ate my cooking ...good and bad.

One of the biggest things I have realized is that 1) if you don't understand something, that doesnt mean you will never understand it. for instance, in the 5th grade I was to do a science project in a group. one of the girls didn't do her part so our group got a C. At that point I had never had a C in my life so it was devastating. Since that time I considered myself, uninterested in science and I didnt even try to understand it. It turned me off.

Then I take a cell biology class at our college and studied my butt off. i got an A! I kept sayin to myself "all this time I let the past dictate what I believed about myself". I blamed myself for another person's lack of work resulting in a C. Why did I not remember that if I were given that project to do by myself, I could've done it right and got a good grade. Well now I will concentrate on what I do have power over and that is all my future grades. I love the stuff I am learning even though it is tough. I keep projecting myself into the future of taking care of patients and can't wait. I plan on taking CNA classes while I am in my 2yr waiting list. I really want to leave this life knowing I have done something to help and not just stand by and let it happen to me.