reality

Feeling down. grandma hasn't been doing well. last friday she was in the emergency room and they found that she has gallstones. i made her an appt and we're supposed to go in tomorrow to see the dr. who will make an appt to do the surgery.

this past sunday was fun. we had all the bros and sis over for christmas and was glad we could have it here with grandma. everything was fine until she spoke at the end telling everyone she was glad the children were having fun and that she loved all of us. we tried to make jokes but then alex spoke up about how he appreciated being able to be there and how he considers us his bros and sis like we do him. he then spoke of how he missed his little brother and sister. I can tell he is lonely. I am glad he came over.

John and paki also made it over and paki is expecting next year. very happy for them. Eli also spoke up about how we need to remember grandma in our prayers and how they need to visit her. Crystal put in a lot of effort to have games for us and make it fun. It was good to have everyone over.

I have been worried about grandma since the night she was in the hospital. i couldn't concentrate on my work that day and now i am checking on her every few hours. I really wish i had all my training for nursing done so i wouldn't feel so helpless.

up late and wondering why..

..i cant sleep. and then when i want to sleep I really need to get up. My poor son, he's sticks by me til I get up or his grandmas come up. just found this pix of nainoa's page and thought I'd share it.

This is proof I really need to take more pix and videos of my kids since I have access to cameras :)

this is of veni at eli's graduation. probably 2008

took me too long...

...to decide I don't want to die wking by answering phone calls when i know I am capable of doing much more. This was only emphasized when i went to my brother Eli's graduation a few yrs back. I thought "if he can do it with 5 kids, I can do it". My cousins and I kept saying "this could've been us". Well after that I couldn't sit still at the job. So, when they asked for volunteers to take a leave with insurance, I took it. It's now been almost 18mos. and I will be finished with my prerequisites in 2 weeks Yay! I then will be on a 2 week waiting list but that wks well for me since Veni is still home with me and it's hard leaving him everyday. I only am glad i didnt wait another min. to do all the schooling I have done. I have learned so much about our bodies in 18 mos. and can understand some things that would've been foreign to me 18 mos ago. Anatomy and physiology are my favorite so far. I was walking to my car from class one day thinking, how could I not have been interested in this yrs ago. Then, I remember my little girls faces and think "no, this was all came together at the time it was supposed to come together."

I also hav regretted not having a fourth child but then think "I am grateful for what I do have." My husband's been the best supporter thru school and all the work I have missed to make us money and the wk at home. I do still try to cook most of the week so we can save money that way and he has been good to me and ate my cooking ...good and bad.

One of the biggest things I have realized is that 1) if you don't understand something, that doesnt mean you will never understand it. for instance, in the 5th grade I was to do a science project in a group. one of the girls didn't do her part so our group got a C. At that point I had never had a C in my life so it was devastating. Since that time I considered myself, uninterested in science and I didnt even try to understand it. It turned me off.

Then I take a cell biology class at our college and studied my butt off. i got an A! I kept sayin to myself "all this time I let the past dictate what I believed about myself". I blamed myself for another person's lack of work resulting in a C. Why did I not remember that if I were given that project to do by myself, I could've done it right and got a good grade. Well now I will concentrate on what I do have power over and that is all my future grades. I love the stuff I am learning even though it is tough. I keep projecting myself into the future of taking care of patients and can't wait. I plan on taking CNA classes while I am in my 2yr waiting list. I really want to leave this life knowing I have done something to help and not just stand by and let it happen to me.

getting ready for a nutrition presentation

yes, me outta all the fit people in the world, I have to do a presentation on a bad diet. Aren't they all bad? I am still waitin on oprah to say she found the magic pill with her billions.

So, veni and I go out for a walk because he has a fit if I try to leave him for an hr at the gym I pay hundreds to so that they'll watch him. We're walkin about 2 blocks and I'm thinkin "I'm tired we should turn back." My child's nose starts to run and he's coughing a little so I aske "do you want to go back home now?" and of course he says no as he coughs some more. So we tread on. We walk by this house (looks like christmas at disney) with all the lights, cut outs of everything christmas you could think of. the next house has just 1 sign and it's lit up pointing to the 1st house and it says "ditto"! hilarious. For some reason it made think that that's something crystal would do, because it's our kind of funny.

So I am now back from my presentation. It went well. There were 5 of us and no one read their lines right off of the powerpoint. I hate when people read their's line for line....boring! which is what most of the other groups did. hoi. I got a 94 on my last phys test and now a 96 on my psych test yay!

Sometimes I watch my son sleep. I think "all this time away from him just isn't worth it." We were in the kitchen yesterday and he's up on the high table drawing with some pencils when I hear one drop. I turn to look and he says "get it, get it". I can't believe he's tellin me what to do. :) Time really flies. Here's my son who just yesterday was a newborn, and sleeping most of the day and now he's up on the table using a pencil. Zerin's reading is extraordinary with all the words she can figure out. We just have to work on her learning how to tie her shoe laces.

my brain is drained

was up til 4am and as much as I wanted to sleep I layed in bed forcing myself not to get back up and keep studying. Today I had my final in my phys lab and tons of material to cover. I probably only got 80% but i got home to find out that on a midterm I took for the actual lecture I got a 94%! I studied my butt off about hormones so I am really excited and it was worth all the hrs I put in. Then came home to clean, study, and cook cuz I knew Keai would be really hungry. Had a great meal with mashed potatoes, chicken, corn, and salad! yum. I was so tired though that I didnt really eat much. I am putting the kids to bed early so I can catch them zzzz's.