reality

Feeling down. grandma hasn't been doing well. last friday she was in the emergency room and they found that she has gallstones. i made her an appt and we're supposed to go in tomorrow to see the dr. who will make an appt to do the surgery.

this past sunday was fun. we had all the bros and sis over for christmas and was glad we could have it here with grandma. everything was fine until she spoke at the end telling everyone she was glad the children were having fun and that she loved all of us. we tried to make jokes but then alex spoke up about how he appreciated being able to be there and how he considers us his bros and sis like we do him. he then spoke of how he missed his little brother and sister. I can tell he is lonely. I am glad he came over.

John and paki also made it over and paki is expecting next year. very happy for them. Eli also spoke up about how we need to remember grandma in our prayers and how they need to visit her. Crystal put in a lot of effort to have games for us and make it fun. It was good to have everyone over.

I have been worried about grandma since the night she was in the hospital. i couldn't concentrate on my work that day and now i am checking on her every few hours. I really wish i had all my training for nursing done so i wouldn't feel so helpless.

up late and wondering why..

..i cant sleep. and then when i want to sleep I really need to get up. My poor son, he's sticks by me til I get up or his grandmas come up. just found this pix of nainoa's page and thought I'd share it.

This is proof I really need to take more pix and videos of my kids since I have access to cameras :)

this is of veni at eli's graduation. probably 2008

took me too long...

...to decide I don't want to die wking by answering phone calls when i know I am capable of doing much more. This was only emphasized when i went to my brother Eli's graduation a few yrs back. I thought "if he can do it with 5 kids, I can do it". My cousins and I kept saying "this could've been us". Well after that I couldn't sit still at the job. So, when they asked for volunteers to take a leave with insurance, I took it. It's now been almost 18mos. and I will be finished with my prerequisites in 2 weeks Yay! I then will be on a 2 week waiting list but that wks well for me since Veni is still home with me and it's hard leaving him everyday. I only am glad i didnt wait another min. to do all the schooling I have done. I have learned so much about our bodies in 18 mos. and can understand some things that would've been foreign to me 18 mos ago. Anatomy and physiology are my favorite so far. I was walking to my car from class one day thinking, how could I not have been interested in this yrs ago. Then, I remember my little girls faces and think "no, this was all came together at the time it was supposed to come together."

I also hav regretted not having a fourth child but then think "I am grateful for what I do have." My husband's been the best supporter thru school and all the work I have missed to make us money and the wk at home. I do still try to cook most of the week so we can save money that way and he has been good to me and ate my cooking ...good and bad.

One of the biggest things I have realized is that 1) if you don't understand something, that doesnt mean you will never understand it. for instance, in the 5th grade I was to do a science project in a group. one of the girls didn't do her part so our group got a C. At that point I had never had a C in my life so it was devastating. Since that time I considered myself, uninterested in science and I didnt even try to understand it. It turned me off.

Then I take a cell biology class at our college and studied my butt off. i got an A! I kept sayin to myself "all this time I let the past dictate what I believed about myself". I blamed myself for another person's lack of work resulting in a C. Why did I not remember that if I were given that project to do by myself, I could've done it right and got a good grade. Well now I will concentrate on what I do have power over and that is all my future grades. I love the stuff I am learning even though it is tough. I keep projecting myself into the future of taking care of patients and can't wait. I plan on taking CNA classes while I am in my 2yr waiting list. I really want to leave this life knowing I have done something to help and not just stand by and let it happen to me.

getting ready for a nutrition presentation

yes, me outta all the fit people in the world, I have to do a presentation on a bad diet. Aren't they all bad? I am still waitin on oprah to say she found the magic pill with her billions.

So, veni and I go out for a walk because he has a fit if I try to leave him for an hr at the gym I pay hundreds to so that they'll watch him. We're walkin about 2 blocks and I'm thinkin "I'm tired we should turn back." My child's nose starts to run and he's coughing a little so I aske "do you want to go back home now?" and of course he says no as he coughs some more. So we tread on. We walk by this house (looks like christmas at disney) with all the lights, cut outs of everything christmas you could think of. the next house has just 1 sign and it's lit up pointing to the 1st house and it says "ditto"! hilarious. For some reason it made think that that's something crystal would do, because it's our kind of funny.

So I am now back from my presentation. It went well. There were 5 of us and no one read their lines right off of the powerpoint. I hate when people read their's line for line....boring! which is what most of the other groups did. hoi. I got a 94 on my last phys test and now a 96 on my psych test yay!

Sometimes I watch my son sleep. I think "all this time away from him just isn't worth it." We were in the kitchen yesterday and he's up on the high table drawing with some pencils when I hear one drop. I turn to look and he says "get it, get it". I can't believe he's tellin me what to do. :) Time really flies. Here's my son who just yesterday was a newborn, and sleeping most of the day and now he's up on the table using a pencil. Zerin's reading is extraordinary with all the words she can figure out. We just have to work on her learning how to tie her shoe laces.

my brain is drained

was up til 4am and as much as I wanted to sleep I layed in bed forcing myself not to get back up and keep studying. Today I had my final in my phys lab and tons of material to cover. I probably only got 80% but i got home to find out that on a midterm I took for the actual lecture I got a 94%! I studied my butt off about hormones so I am really excited and it was worth all the hrs I put in. Then came home to clean, study, and cook cuz I knew Keai would be really hungry. Had a great meal with mashed potatoes, chicken, corn, and salad! yum. I was so tired though that I didnt really eat much. I am putting the kids to bed early so I can catch them zzzz's.

christmas lights

Didn't have to wk so Keai and I took Veni and our girls to temple square. We've taken them every yr for some reason, this one was the best. Watching Zerin get so excited over how the orange lights lit up the sidewalk. she stooped down to touch the cement to see if it felt any different than normal. Kale would run from this tree to another. Veni ran around with his little blue winter hat that he will not let us adjust, so it's backward half the time. Keai would carry him on his shoulders like he did to our girls when they were this age.

We then went to our car and Kale says it'd be a good idea to go to chuck a rama.....keai just laughed and asked where she got that idea. she says "on my own". they're too spoiled. then we're driving down state st. and the trees on the sides are lit a dark dark blue. "how scarey" i say. Kale waits a second and then says "I am imagining they are zombies". Keai tells her she should write a book and make us lots of money. :) Keai holds my hand as he is driving. This as many yrs as its been never gets old.

After eating we return home and veni is still awake to our amazement. He runs in pointing and jumping up and down about our lit up christmas tree. So freakin cute how he gets excited like he'd never seen it before.

What a great night.

So impressed....

I have what seems to be like a million homework assignments and test to prepare for this week and of course instead I am sitting here on my blog. Anyhow one of my assignments is to do a presentation with powerpoint. Now, it's been out for years and yet I have never had to use it. My assignment is due Tuesday and it's now Sunday and I am playing around with powerpoint to see all that it can do. Thank goodness for youtube and all the people who have uploaded videos to make it easier on me. BTW I have used youtube for everything, from how to get rid of bees and a bee hive to how to clear out a clogged sink. Needless to say I have figured out how to use powerpoint...yay! and I have written in this journal of mine at least 4 times this week. another hooray for me!

Keai and the kids put up the Christmas tree today. I wanted to help but seeing how excited the kids were to do, I just did my cooking and then got ready to go to work. Veni was the funniest running to everyone saying Christmas and then running back to the tree and holding ornaments for keai and the girls to put up. I wish I could've found my video camera.

i went to wk and now back. Keai is reading his new found love "say you're one of them" that I checked out, but haven't got a chance to read since he found it. This is the 1st book I have seen him read on over 9 years of marriage so if I ever find the author of it, I will give him a big hug! Veni was sitting at Keai's feet when Veni let out a sneeze. Then he says "kuse me". wow! He has never put 2 words together til now. He learns a lot from his sisters .....good and bad. he runs about sometimes singing "beat it" by michael jackson and stopping his feet. He will not let anyone else sing it. He will hit you and say "no" if you try to. He also likes to ask others if they farted if he hears any thing that resembles that kind of noise. good times! I better get off of this for now...going to conquer my studying....only 2 1/2 more weeks of school!

my honey REALLY likes football

Well my die hard BYU fan husband has taken our kids to watch the big game against the U of U at his uncle and aunt's house and he has taken all the kidlets so I can study. In salt and pepa's words...what a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man.

I am so glad I am over the stage where I am upset when my husband watches hours of football. Well I should say I can handle a couple of hours of his football and then I either go to sleep, study, or go out shopping. My physiology teacher explained how a man's brain isn't capable of paying attn to more than one thing like us girls can. We can be ironing, watching t.v., and telling a kid in another room to stop jumping on their bed. But, don't tell a guy your dreams and hopes when football is on. You'll just end up throwing the iron at them if you don't understand how they are built. I wish one of my high school teachers would've taught me that before I got married. It would've saved me tons of arguments.

All I can say is I love my man.....and our aunt for letting them all come over and be loud her house. :)

Summer of '08 Zerin and Kale are outside with Hakeai working and playing in the front yard. My husband stops Zerin and says "You're job is to pick up the trash." She starts crying and says "I'm just a kid. I don't have a job." Hakeai comes in and tells me and we both start laughing. That's why them teachers at their school say "you're in charge." :)

being old means hot dates at church dance

It's been a little over a month since our last hot date. So, since our ward was having a dance last night my husband decided for us to go....I am happy at home with a movie but I know how much he likes this kind of stuff so we went. It wasn't bad. The only part I couldn't stand is this marching thing that they do. I remember watching as a younger kid when mom used to drag us to dances. I would think to myself "I am never going to be in that march. It's for old people." So now I have to put away those promises to myself and parade around in the awful march, Then we have a slow dance. I guess that made it worth while, because it's been forever since I have had a slow dance with my husband. I kept hoping we'd go home early. Then my son, who got to come on this date with us starts asking for a drink. So to avoid more dancing I ask my husband to take him to the drinking fountain. I am sitting in the dance for 4 or 5 songs and thinking "something is wrong, he wouldn't take this long." Just then I see Keai and baby walking back in but Keai is holding my son's shirt and Veni is running along side in his jacket. Turns out the water got all over my son and now he is only in his jacket. I am so worried someone will notice that my son's shirt is missing and think what retarded parents brought their son without a shirt. That made the dance only seem longer.
On our way home we stopped to pick up some of our kids favorite to take home ...Mc Donald's. I don't really like fast food but I was hungry. We barely pulled into the parking lot when my 2 yr old says "yay!" from the back of the car. I didn't even know he pays that much attention. It's sad that they know what the golden arches are before they can say our names. My husband orders all 3 of the kids nuggets. when we get home kale is asleep so i leave her food by her and Zerin comes out to the kitchen to eat with us. I wake up in the morning trying to get my feet warmed up because I have awful plantar fasciitis when I hear Zerin asking Kale for one of her nuggets. Kale says "you had some" to which Zerin replies "no, i got a cheeseburger last night". I couldn't believe how fast she made up that story. Was I like that when I was younger? When I yell out "Zerin let kale eat her food," Zerin is suprised and is quiet. When I catch them in a lie I drill into their heads that I know when they are lying in hopes that that will reduce their lying to me when they are older. Probably doesn't work but they'll have nightmares when they do lie that I do know.

the family cycle

Fast forward a few years we have our 1st baby girl, Kale. She had the best curley hair and she was always at auntie Leta's house, where we had a lot of help. All of Leta's kids, grandma, Lita and of course Lita would watch her if I needed to work. Leta fed me and my husband numerous times. Then a year later we have Zerin. We were living with an aunt, Kris and her family, then moved to an aunt Sepa for the next year. When Zerin was crawling we finally got our own apartment. With how our mortgage is now, there are many times I think "oh to have them apt. priced bills again." Zerin really has a different personality. She's more girly and acts as if she's older than all of us. Kale is really laid back and does her own thing. They both makes friends easily. I am glad, because when I was younger that wasn't easy for me.

My husband was working for the apartments for years and then when we bought our 1st home, he started his own business to bring in more income. Like many others nowadays he has had to go back to work for a company so that we can have insurance and a steady income. He is our hero doing something that is other than his dream so that we can have a home and food to eat. What I love best about him is that he makes sure that he spends time with me and the kids. I finally got my boy after both my girls started school.

First day of kindergarten for Kale I was there with a camera and I was encouraging her and telling her I would be back for her soon. So, when it was Zerin's turn I was trying to figure out how to encourage her to go into class without too much resistance. We get out of the car and she runs not looking back. I was the one who had to remind her to give me a hug goodbye. Steven is now with grandma and my mom when I need to work. I have also thought a lot of how I need to do more with my life as I watch my husband work his tail off to provide for us. I decided over a year ago to go back to school and he has supported me all the way. I will have all my prerequisites done in a few weeks and then I can apply for the nursing program. Yay! I really have learned a lot in my science classes as well as made some friends. I cannot believe it has taken me so long to get to this point. Like the say better late than never.

doctors and lawyers

Well my husband from the village of doctors and lawyers aka Vaini and I met back in Jan. 2000. I was out with a bunch of friends from California (Tolu, Chris, Nick) and my girls Sote, Monica, and Sivi. We were 100% attenders of all the young adult functions. Many of being returned missionaries and now looking for that eternal companion we went to a dating fireside that Vainga was speaking at. With all the teu'ing we did back then we got there for the amen of the prayer. But as all young adults know that isn't the end of the meeting. That's when you talk with others in the hallways or gym til they kick us out to the parking lot. But that still isn't the end. We could probably spend another hour in the parking lot talking with other young adults (unless someone volunteers to pay for our Denny's meal). Anyhow, I had seen my future potential companion at a dance earlier that month and mentioned to Line that he was sooo handsome. My husband loves hearing that part of the story. To my suprise she said she knew him. Next thing I know, he is walking over to me after the fireside with Line. Line introduces us and then she disappears. If ever I have been nervous this was one of those times. He said "malo e lelei" and I said "I do!" Yes I am one those that can rewrite conversations because the chemicals going through my brain were blocking my rational thinking. I think he really just stood there being shy til I said "hi" and then I asked where he was from. He then replied "from the village of all the doctors and lawyers". "Oh," I said "then you must be from my village, because they all come from haateiho." "No," he says "Vaini." Ok I have never heard of vaini, but i laugh because he's cute and the chemicals are still messing with my brain. Later I find out Vaini's nickname but i won't mention it on here because i ended up marrying into it and I have no rights to complain after knowing what I am marrying into (per Dr. Laura). He asked for my number and I borrowed a piece of paper from a friend (whom I am eternally grateful for because he had paper and a pen). I then carry my cell phone everywhere with me for 2 days so I have no chance of missing his call. But of course when he calls I act like it's no biggie that he's waited a whole 48 hrs and 18 min to call me. :) I was supposed to go on a double date with Line but things didn't work out so Hakeai and I end up going to a movie on our own (only after he meets dad and pou of course). The next week he meets mom, and grandma and my sisters. We got married that same year.